GTJ

Jimmy Fallon is busy prepping for one of his biggest gigs yet, The Primetime Emmy Awards, and he's devised a simple method to get him ready:

GTJ: Gym, Tan, Jokes

"[I'm doing] 100 push ups every day. Then I meet up with The Situation. We have a crunch off," the late night host joked Monday at the Going the Distance premiere in Hollywood.

"I've just been waking up every day, having breakfast by the pool. I try to get tan," he says about getting ready. "But I'm Irish so I burn bright red – lobster red. But then it becomes a nice cinnamon toast color."

If only he knew that all he needed was a membership at Hollywood Tans, no lobster red here!

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Beat that Beat up

Sneak Peak!

Time for a Jersey Shore Sneak Peak! 

MTV Shows

Is it Thursday yet?!

Of all Bret Michaels' many mistakes...

...his splotchy fake-bake was clearly the worst. 

Lets hope the Trump organization doesn't ask him to host again...I don't know if I can sit through any more. 

Slim Down Secrets of Billie Piper

 The sultry television vixen knows that there is no hiding her body flaws when it comes to her job on "The Secret Life of a Call Girl", which is why she goes the extra mile to be perfectly bronzed and brilliant 24/7. 

"I always get a spray-tan the night before because it makes me look slimmer!"

Miss Universe

The teeth are white, the tans are bronze, and the sequins are sparkling.  That's right ladies and gentlemen, its Miss Universe time!

I must admit, I'm a huge sucker for a good beauty pageant...maybe it's the ability to sit and judge people for hours, or maybe its the ridiculous costumes, something about it has me hooked!  Needless, to say, I'll be at home, watching Donald Trumps greatest creation ever: The Miss Universe Competition.  The pageant to end all pageants begins tonight at 9pm E.T. on NBC and is hosted by Poison front man Bret Michaels and NBC correspondent Natalie Morales.

In terms of my predictions on who will take home the coveted crown, I am somewhat conflicted.  While I love Miss Venezuela and Miss Russia.... 

I have a feeling that the woman with the biggest...assests...will take the prize a.k.a. Miss Ireland.

Who do you think will walk away with the title?!  Check out all the contestants here, and be sure to tune in tonight for all the pageant glitz!

check outside, pigs MUST be flying

The Situation Boasts a more lucrative year than top movie stars.  This is real.

This year, Jersey Shore's The Situation will make $5 million. He's pulling in $1 million in appearance fees, $60,000 an episode (after ratings-based bonuses), and getting paid for a workout video, book deal, and contracts with Reebok and Vitaminwater, just to name a few. The Hollywood Reporter points out that this means in 2010, The Situation made more than Don "$1 million" Cheadle, Scarlett "$250,000" Johansson, and Michael "$4 million" Cera, who all obviously need to up their catchphrase game immediately.
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Tan Celeb of the Week:

Congrats to Sofia Vergara, who has earned our Tan Celeb of the Week award for her stunning appearance at the Louis Vuitton Santa Monica Place opening. 

While the look is demure, she does an excellent job of showing off her glowing complexion, proving that a great tan is all you need to look sexy and elegant!

krazy

Just when you think the Kardashians can't get any stupider, they release a book called "Konfidential".

Now I will spare them my rant about their ridiculous use of the letter "k"; its not appropriate to continuously stick it into places, plus no one really likes "k" that much. 

Regardless of their ignorance of spelling, do they actually think anyone will buy this crap?

Aside from the fact that in the right lighting, with the right styling, and of course a flawless tan, they are sometimes attractive...who seriously cares about this talentless trio anymore?  I know I certainly don't.  Not only that, what could there possibly be left to say about them that we don't know?!  Their lives are constantly being broadcast on E!, TMZ, and every other trashy venue out there.  Not to mention they have the most shallow, one dimmensional personalities out there, so its really not like it gets any deeper with this family.  So what on earth could this book have to say?  
 

From the looks of the tacky cover, I'd say they made it in about 3 hours with the help of MS Paint.  It's looking like its a hop, skip, and a jump away from being as good as Paris Hilton's latest "novel", and that's saying a lot.

So my message to you Kardashian Klan (ya I did it) is to stop, for your own good, just stop.  And reacquaint yourself with the English language, specifically the letter "c".  Thanks.

Tan Celeb of the Week:

Ashley Greene looked stunning Monday August 2nd at an Instyle cancer benefit in NYC.  She compliments her fantastic, glowing tan perfectly with this simple ensemble, owning the red carpet like a pro!

Reason number 8972349 you should be watching Jersey Shore:

Our favorite Jersey dude, The Situation attempts to order take-out, proving that even the simplest things can be made more difficult if you just give it a little effort.

Restaurant Dude: Your name?
The Situation: Situation.
Restaurant Dude: The name?
The Situation: Yeah, The Situation. Capital S-i-t-u-a-t-i-o-n.
Restaurant Dude: Whatever, man. What’s the order?

JWoWW attempts to be a role model...

JWoWW has taken it upon herself to give us young, struggling women some well thought out advice...
Read on for Guidette Sentiments

"Don’t sweat the small stuff, like boyfriend problems and all that crap...Be happy. Especially if you are in your twenties, like myself. Really appreciate going out with the girls having a good time. Appreciate going to the beach and doing small things like that because it doesn’t last forever. I want to leave you all with one more thing: Stick up for yourself! Don’t let anyone, guy or girl, put you down. Have respect for yourself, especially in high school. The best thing a girl could say is that they stuck up for themselves."

I don't know about you, but I think that anyone who spends their time thinking up words like "guido juicehead" should stop trying to sound semi-intelligent and just get back to acting a fool.

Face it JWoWW, you're only worthwhile when you're drunk and fist pumpin'.

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Tan Celeb of the Week:

Eva Mendes looked absolutely stunning at the New York premiere party for her new comedy "The Other Guys".  The glowing starlet was sporting a gorgeous water colored cocktail dress, complimented by blush suede Brian Atwood pumps that make her bronzed legs look endless! 

Need to lose 5lbs instantly? Not a problem.

If you're in desperate need of an immediate shape up, look no further than your nearest Hollywood Tans salon.  A tan is the easiest way to instantly look slimmer and more toned; its like getting a week's worth of tough work outs, in one quick session.  If you've ever wondered why tans are a must have red carpet accessory, its because the darkening affect accentuates every muscle, even ones you didn't even know you had! 

Check out how a great tan makes Cameron Diaz look even hotter!

Even Jen Aniston relies on a tan to give her red carpet confidence!

So next time you need to look long, lean, and glamorous like your favorite celebs, don't forget to tan!