When Bad Tans Happen to Good People

Donald Trump needs to stop spray tanning at some cheap place and start spray tanning at Hollywood Tans because we would NEVER let this atrocity happen!

GTJ

Jimmy Fallon is busy prepping for one of his biggest gigs yet, The Primetime Emmy Awards, and he's devised a simple method to get him ready:

GTJ: Gym, Tan, Jokes

"[I'm doing] 100 push ups every day. Then I meet up with The Situation. We have a crunch off," the late night host joked Monday at the Going the Distance premiere in Hollywood.

"I've just been waking up every day, having breakfast by the pool. I try to get tan," he says about getting ready. "But I'm Irish so I burn bright red – lobster red. But then it becomes a nice cinnamon toast color."

If only he knew that all he needed was a membership at Hollywood Tans, no lobster red here!

Source 

Slim Down Secrets of Billie Piper

 The sultry television vixen knows that there is no hiding her body flaws when it comes to her job on "The Secret Life of a Call Girl", which is why she goes the extra mile to be perfectly bronzed and brilliant 24/7. 

"I always get a spray-tan the night before because it makes me look slimmer!"

Miss Universe

The teeth are white, the tans are bronze, and the sequins are sparkling.  That's right ladies and gentlemen, its Miss Universe time!

I must admit, I'm a huge sucker for a good beauty pageant...maybe it's the ability to sit and judge people for hours, or maybe its the ridiculous costumes, something about it has me hooked!  Needless, to say, I'll be at home, watching Donald Trumps greatest creation ever: The Miss Universe Competition.  The pageant to end all pageants begins tonight at 9pm E.T. on NBC and is hosted by Poison front man Bret Michaels and NBC correspondent Natalie Morales.

In terms of my predictions on who will take home the coveted crown, I am somewhat conflicted.  While I love Miss Venezuela and Miss Russia.... 

I have a feeling that the woman with the biggest...assests...will take the prize a.k.a. Miss Ireland.

Who do you think will walk away with the title?!  Check out all the contestants here, and be sure to tune in tonight for all the pageant glitz!

krazy

Just when you think the Kardashians can't get any stupider, they release a book called "Konfidential".

Now I will spare them my rant about their ridiculous use of the letter "k"; its not appropriate to continuously stick it into places, plus no one really likes "k" that much. 

Regardless of their ignorance of spelling, do they actually think anyone will buy this crap?

Aside from the fact that in the right lighting, with the right styling, and of course a flawless tan, they are sometimes attractive...who seriously cares about this talentless trio anymore?  I know I certainly don't.  Not only that, what could there possibly be left to say about them that we don't know?!  Their lives are constantly being broadcast on E!, TMZ, and every other trashy venue out there.  Not to mention they have the most shallow, one dimmensional personalities out there, so its really not like it gets any deeper with this family.  So what on earth could this book have to say?  
 

From the looks of the tacky cover, I'd say they made it in about 3 hours with the help of MS Paint.  It's looking like its a hop, skip, and a jump away from being as good as Paris Hilton's latest "novel", and that's saying a lot.

So my message to you Kardashian Klan (ya I did it) is to stop, for your own good, just stop.  And reacquaint yourself with the English language, specifically the letter "c".  Thanks.